are you happier today than you were four years ago?
happiness is in the pursuit, not the destination
it’s a death sentence to live a life you do not want. let alone deserve. that’s sad. and more than that, it’s maddening. to know that you could very well have what you want. if only you acknowledged it. went after it.
dreams and nightmares
it’s important to remember that the average lifespan in the united states is 77.5 years old. dividing that number in half, this means that middle age in america is 38.8 years old. so, if you’re 28 years old today, you have about a decade before society will no longer view you as “young.”
but, have no fear. youth is eternal, age is a biological state. that said, if you only have 10 to 15 years before you’re considered middle of the road, will you spend your days living out a death sentence? playing out a groundhog’s day of a hellish life?
in the sisyphusification of our 21st century, social media-fueled self improvement culture, everyone is obsessed with achieving their “dream life.” but what is a dream life if not a thought pursued to its zenith? by this i mean, is your dream life the end state of your goal or the process by which you become the person who naturally arrives at the end state?
further, where is your self worth rooted? is it located in the state of your material world or in the essence of your being?
we live in a stunt culture. no matter what the proponents of quiet luxury will tell you, the girls love to stunt. sometimes it’s not about their birkin collection but the fact that they not only went after their dream life but achieved it. they should feel genuine pride in that. it takes guts to go after what you want in this life. but i have a hypothesis that many people self sabotage themselves into remaining in place not because they do not actually want their “dream life” but because they’ve placed their sense of worth in the state of their material world as opposed to the essence of their being.
your essence is your soul. it’s your spiritual thumbprint and it shows up in all you do. even if you do things “horribly” or fail at an endeavor, what matters is that you give it an honest and earnest go. the game of life, interestingly enough, is not one of perfection but of persistence. it’s those amongst us who get up each time they fall that will out last us all. not the the ones who already had everything to begin with. or those who got lucky due to beginner’s luck, or simply favor by the gods.
those who are set to live their “dream lives” are those whose non-linear path to success never stopped them from continuing to push forward. no matter who doubted them. no matter what obsolete stood in their way. they were relentless in their pursuit of their dreams and remained focused only on the process they had to perfect to achieve it, not the achievement itself.
although a platitude, it remains a truism: it’s not the destination, but the journey.
if you want to avoid giving yourself a death sentence of a life you do not want, you want get comfortable with enjoying the journey. no matter how messy or uncertain it may seem. remember, all is as it should be, nothing is as it seems.
the gods have their favorites, but you have a choice
i once heard a woman say that life owes you nothing but a heartbeat. although i found it harsh, i also found a lot of solace in this worldview because it means for better, or for worse, my life is my own.
it’s not a repeat of my mother’s. nor is it a favor from the gods. nor is it at the mercy of institutional isms whose targets fluctuate with each political cycle.
no. my life is my own. ever since i was given a heartbeat, i’ve been determined to live out my thoughts to their zenith. to flush out each idea into reality. by force, if i had too.
there’s a show called industry where a character said, “hunger is not a birthright.”
hunger is a curious thing because it has nothing to do with poverty. and everything to do with abundance. it’s a hunger of the spirit. those whose spirit have a sense of vigor, of vitality, of the need to exact their will, even in the smallest of ways, are those most likely to get what they want in this life. whether or not they’re already wealthy or seemingly poor is irrelevant. what’s relevant is that they want what they want and are committed to their cause..
that said, here’s an interesting astrological depth to this relentless pursuit of a dream life: vedic astrological researcher claire nakti has talked about how the most prominent vedic (the indian version of western astrology) moon placements for billionaires is jyestha. this is because jyestha is considered the opposite of wealth as that is represented by her younger sister, the indian goddess lakshmi. whereas lakshmi is naturally abundant and satisfied with her material wealth (as seen by the indulgence of those who have prominent rohini placements), jyestha is not so she’s always hunger for more. so those who have prominent jyestha placements are never satisfied with their station in life and consistently seek self-improvement, greater wealth, and even more resources.
there’s an interesting essay to be written about how social media has become jyestha-laced / ruled given the sisyphusification of the native cultures of the major placements (e.g., youtube, instagram, and twitter). very interesting analysis to be done there.
the reason i bring up my moon placement is to bring your attention to the fact that hunger, this innate desire for more, for outsized success relative to the reality of the average person you might encounter, is spiritual in nature. everything is spiritual in nature, but especially success.
that’s why, when you give up on yourself subconsciously by not pushing yourself to do the things you must do in order to get to where you want to be, you’re diminishing your spirit and eroding your essence. by virtue of you being alive, you are someone with gifts and talents that must be refined in order for them to shine.
in order for you to accomplish whatever assignment was given to you by fate. so, if you self sabotage by never keeping your promises to yourself, or by never trying at anything before you’ve “failed” at it (which is really just feedback that will be the catalyst for your future successes), or by accepting a life you do not deserve as a death sentence, then you’re eroding your essence, demising your spirit, and forgoing your chi.
but can you really afford to live a such life? the devil may be a lie, but hell on earth is unleashed when we begin to lie to ourselves. that’s what dostoevsky said. sort of. he said to never lie to yourself. that a man, or diouana woman in this case, who does so will be doomed:
"above all, don't lie to yourself. the man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. and having no respect he ceases to love.”
the brothers karamazov
it’s widely understood among those who rooted their fate in faith, that god is love. i’ve always believed that it was not the gods who created the humans, but the humans who created the gods who then created the humans. as such, we are our own gods. we are our own love. so, to lie to yourself. either by attempting to believe that the dreams we want we do not actually want. or by attempting to accept a reality that is not to our liking in order to keep the peace. we will surely cease to love. not only life, but ourselves. and should we turn our backs on ourselves, we’d only be turning our backs on the god in us. that voice of intuition that guides us through the night. that voice is very important because it’s in listening to that voice that we do our best work. that we choose the right doors to walk through. that we end up exactly where we’re meant to be.
i don’t mean to scare you, but i do want to let you know that it’s very much possible to live the wrong life. it’s not a crime to have chosen wrong. nor is it a crime to not have known then what you know now. nor is it even a crime to never try. but it’s a shame. and it’ll be a burden you live with. and this burden will feel like an anchor around your throat once you realize you gave yourself a death sentence of living a life you do not want.
but the beauty in all of this is that the choice remains in your hands. life may only owe you a heartbeat, but you’re capable of giving everything else to yourself.
so in this very short life that you have, choose yourself. and go for it.
sweet dreams,
a diouana woman
p.s. truth or dare
you know how in your diary, you write something down then rip it out and place it in the tiny makeup bag you keep in your purse as a manifestation method? yeah, these p.s. truth or dares are the digital versions of my little ripped off notes.
truth: the truth for this week is to choose a life you deserve.
dare: the dare for this week is to not fall victim to your own lies and avoid playing small at all costs.