big little moments

i'm not where i want to be and that doesn't make me a failure

have you ever noticed how life is lived in the in-between? that soft space between where you were and where you are going. the gurus tell us that the trick to arriving at where we want to be is existing as if we are already there. i call bullshit.

you are where you are. whether this is a positive or a negative circumstance is irrelevant because there’s always two sides to the metaphysical coin. neutrality should be our aim. with neutrality comes the understanding that it can all change, so in the interim we must focus on making the little moments big.

little moments are those spent in the in-between. when you’re three months into a new habit and always falling off every three weeks. when you’re in the midst of your busiest season at work and only have the wee hours to relax. when you’re 24 and thinking to yourself, “shit, i’m behind.” these are the little moments.

to make these little moments big is to sit down in the presence of someone we love, even if it’s just with ourselves, and reflect on the richness of our existence here on earth. sure, your habit of working out in your pale pink csb set has not gone according to plan but there were times when you’d go months without even touching a reformer. yes, you’ve slept three hours every night this week, save monday, because you’ve decided that the work, not just the corporate kind, must indeed get done but there were times when you’d go without a shred of follow through with the promises you made to yourself. it is true that you are older than you were a year ago yet somehow still feel you’re in the same place in life, but my, how you’ve grown.

the funny thing about life is that the clichés are true. if we take the time to appreciate the little moments, they become big. bigger than our problems. absolute giants next to our fears. do you know what fear is? the belief that something bad will result from an action. do you know what a problem is? something for which a solution has not yet been identified. very few problems on this earth are without solutions, and every fear should not be heeded. so, relax. let down your hair. cry it out, and get back out there.

a woman i admire once said that “calm energy grants your dreams.” the stillness of knowing. knowing that it will all work itself out; even if everything has to crash and burn before the dust settles. the dust will eventually settle. besides, one is unable to gain something if one is unwilling to lose another. it’s not always the case that we can have our cake and eat it, too. alas.

people have made millions promising the granting of dreams. industries have been sprung, sustained by the hopes of millions looking for the answers they already know. where does this leave us? we, few but proud, diouana women, hellbent on making our own luck? calm, cool, and collected. there we stand, at the corner of patient and assertive. do not fall for the hype, the gurus, or your worst fears. no, you are not where you want to be, but where you are is not a bad place to be. it’s simple where you are.

imagine you met toni morrison four years after she graduated howard university in 1953. is she a famous influencer, known for her fierce perspective? is she a globe-trotting founder, determined to save the world? is she a trad wife, cooking her meals from stratch for her adorable, darling toddlers and husband? no. she’s a normal, young woman with all the potential in the world. in fact, the world would come to know her name, when, by age 39, she penned the greatest american novel, the bluest eye.

much like life, time lends itself to you when you remain patient. you get time when you take time. steal it, if you must. diouana women are conquerers, after all. take the time to make your little moments big. trust that the in-between is where you are meant to be. not where you’re going. not where you were. but where you are. right here, right now.

truth or dare

i am beginning a new section in my nightly posts titled truth or dare. it’s a simple curated list of ideas and items i’ve engaged with today that i loved and am sharing with you. the truths were 10/10, so i must recommend. and the dares were not so great, so it’s me saying don’t do it. but only if you dare. get it? great. let’s begin:

truth: a boyfriend who energetically holds you.

truth: a mother who refuses to let you wallow.

dare: allowing men who believe they got the best of you to win. finish him.

sweet dreams,

a diouana woman