to get what you want, focus on you

do not be distracted by the noise of the world

“you haven’t lived yet.” i was 23 years old, convinced marriage would ease all my concerns, when my mother spoke these words to me. at the time, marriage seemed a fantastical place where all my concerns of life would cease. a realm i’d enter once i figured out the game of life.

my mother is of the mindset that when it comes to the game of life, you must play to win. naturally, as her eldest daughter, i’ve internalized this way of thinking. after all, what is an eldest daughter if not the carbon copy of her most dominant parent? there is wisdom to my mother’s words. i’ve seen the best of my generation deferred, not by a chaotic macroeconomic landscape or advanced late-stage capitalism (although, both remain prevalent), but simply because they were distracted from the task at hand: becoming.

becoming is a result of decisions well-made while undergoing the heroine’s journey. the interesting part of this journey is that it never ends because life is a never-ending adventure. continuously unfolding as you enter each new chapter of your life. although the adventures you embark on may differ based on the chapter of your life, there remain some basic truths. these include the truisms that vanity is a antidote against the disease of self comparison; you must trust your instincts when making life-altering decisions; and embracing the process of the journey is a surer path to victory than fixating on its outcome.

if you feel you do not know how to play the game of life nor understand what the game even is, take the inverse of my mother’s words as a guide. if you have not yet lived, you must start living. do not get married (yet); do not commit yourself to a serious relationship (yet); do live boldly and freely for yourself, first. be selfish. with your time; your attention. be hungry. to live; to win.

a television series that hit a little too close to home gave me a truism i now live by: hunger is not a birthright. this not akin to onika burgers. this is about having the metaphysical hunger to ameliorate one’s life. the deep-seated desire to be better off tomorrow than you are today. one is not born with this intense feeling but rather cultivates it within them. if one gets lucky, there are certain circumstances that unfold that allow for realization of this hunger within their lifetime. say, obtaining an education; or deeply cultivating than profiting off of one’s talents; and being born in a world where anyone with access to the internet, a laptop, and/or a phone can set up a 7-figure business with no formal education.

we live in glorious, but chaotic, times. it’s never been better, but it’s also never been more competitive to live. but if you can live, you should live. boldly and freely for yourself, first. simply follow a trifecta of decisions. make each with equal commitment.

first, you must decide you want, and get, to thrive in this life; second, you must play your own game by your own rules; if you do not, you will be subject to the whims of others as they place you on their chessboards. three, you must commit to yourself above all else. you are worth your best efforts.

it’s a simple process, but it’s not an easy one. but you are a diouana woman and i have all the faith in the world in you. so, go live. boldly. freely. for yourself. first.

sweet dreams,

a diouana woman

p.s. truth or dare

i am beginning a new section in my nightly posts titled truth or dare. it’s a simple curated list of ideas and items i’ve engaged with today that i loved and am sharing with you. the truths were 10/10, so i must recommend. and the dares were not so great, so it’s me saying don’t do it. but only if you dare. get it? great. let’s begin:

truth: writing about women for women in a vintage purple robe. hint: it was created back when victoria actually had a secret.

truth: visiting your childhood neighborhood for the nostalgia. the only kind allowed.

dare: not taking a vacation. we work to live, not live to work.