we should all be hot
get in, we're going to the moon
outside of self-actualization, i don’t advocate for much. i am a libertarian at heart and believe people should arrive at their own conclusions, in their own ways, for their own reasons. however, if there’s one piece of advice i’d give to anyone, it would be this:
it’s a simple, and yes, superficial mantra. but at its core it speaks to a sentiment that i feel has been lost in our world: eyes on your own test.
it’s easy to get caught up in games of social comparison. questions of, “why her, and not me?” in fact, i do it all the time. i am just as guilt as you. why wouldn’t i be? it’s hard to not feel behind when so much of the world seems so far ahead. but this is simply a distraction. the real work is becoming your own fantasy, not living vicariously through the dreams of others.
diahann carroll once said that “fantasy is nice. it helps us get through reality.” the mystics would tell you that reality is what you make it. the gurus would say something similar. freud would tell you that reality is your ego, as defined by the set of beliefs you hold about the world and your relation to it. as you can see, if you change your ego, you could very well change your reality. the alchemist and psychoanalysts rejoice.
my ego is that of a resilient young woman who happens to be hot. this wasn't always my ego. in fact, it was about a year after my college graduation that i stumbled upon my sexual attractiveness. and that realization, the way it came about and the situations it put me in, was a great lesson in why straight men are not (always) my (real) friends. what i discovered in this narrative thread—the same one that so many women before me have untangled when they, too, discovered that people can feel rather strongly when you live up, or fall short, of their fantasy—is that there’s a strength in focusing on myself, for myself. in tending to my beauty for its own sake. not for likes, not for views, not for men, not for women. just for me.
the historians, economists, and even the statisticians will tell you that there’s great benefit for women who tend to their beauty. the ones who doll themselves up each and every time before we leave the house. but this isn’t a conversation of sociology, but psychology. it takes a considerable amount of mental capacity to consistently think of ways to make yourself even more attractive. what inch curling iron should i use for those dita-esque waves? would half lashes or full lashes suit my intended look more? the kitten heels or the platform number? with all these questions of beautification, it’s hard to obsess over the details of another’s life. in fact, it’s near impossible to be obsessed with others when you are obsessed with yourself.
my generation is frequently accused of being self-absorbed. but, so were the one who came before. funny that. i do not wish to add fuel to this generational fire, but to gently suggest that the solution to many perceived problems, as it relates to self comparison, can be fixed with one mantra, “just be hot.” now, of course, questions concerning the first three stages of maslow’s hierarchy of needs cannot be addressed by cosmetics alone. and this is not the argument here.
because we do not live in silos, separated from external influence, the definitions of all things beauty and sexual attractiveness vary. i am in favor of this diversity of perspective because it prevents one beauty standard from reigning supreme. at least, that’s how it works in my world. i routinely and rigorously inundate my subconscious mind with images, thoughts, and affirmations of afro-centric beauty standards. this leaves no room for beauty standards that have nothing to do with me to take root and influence my self-perception. it’s a simple practice, and it saves me thousands on therapy bills.
because i prefer to create my own beauty standard, much of my time is spent building my myth and not getting lost in the maya of others. myth-building is a hobby i take seriously because a cheat code to the game of life is believing your own hype. this self-assuredness serves as fuel when we burn that midnight oil.
sweet dreams,
a diouana woman
p.s. truth or dare
i am beginning a new section in my nightly posts titled truth or dare. it’s a simple curated list of ideas and items i’ve engaged with today that i loved and am sharing with you. the truths were 10/10, so i must recommend. and the dares were not so great, so it’s me saying don’t do it. but only if you dare. get it? great. let’s begin:
truth: plotting your exit strategy.
dare: being anything less than your unadulterated self.