what women want
what do me, you, and venus share in common?
sometime ago, there was a young boy who grew to be a prominent man. this man was known far and wide for his research, his discoveries, and many sought his advice. one day, this man, now a bit older but not as wise as he had hoped, asked himself, “what do women want?” this man was freud.
sometime after freud, another man rose to prominence. his was a universal view; a simple theory really: ceteris paribus, self-actualization is at the tippy top of human beings’ motivational pyramid. self-actualization here is defined as achieving one’s full potential. in other words, the pleasure-pain of becoming.
it must be acknowledged that self-actualization is often the pursuit of the privileged. as maslow’s pyramid demonstrates, if one is hungry, without shelter, without community or security, self-actualization is not the top priority. that honor goes to survival.
the category of people who always fascinate me are self-made women. i remain dazzled by women who have forged themselves in this life. women whose existence is not a result of chance, but of their meticulous attention to detail, audacity of vision, and lots and lots of grunt work. after all, it takes 10 years to be an overnight success.
one of my greatest inspirations is a woman by the name of dita von teese. i love dita for many reasons. principally, i am in love with her commitment to the aesthetic manifestation of her teenage dreams. that said, what really gets me going with dita is her mastery of her craft. dita started from the ground up and she has stated that at every stage of her career, no matter how minuscule the moment might have seemed, she was always proud of her craft and took ownership of her work. now, she’s the queen of burlesque. long live the queen.
if dita, née heather renée sweet, can ascend from west branch, michigan to being the muse of christian louboutin, zac posen, and jean paul gaultier, you can become anything you want. so long if you’re willing to put in the work to make your dreams come true. this was always the advice of my mother. “anything you want,” she would say, “you can have. just work.” so work i did.
there’s something to be said about working a decade straight to accomplish your goals. the tunnel vision that ensures one-hundred-percent focus. the loneliness of a childhood spent studying, dreaming of the future where you would shine bright as the woman you knew you’d become. do i have regrets? not really. i was a studious young girl because that’s what i wanted to be: a nose firmly in my book, sitting under an aspen tree as the mountain air kissed my cheek. i also wanted the rewards of a decades’ worth of focused work.
now, as a young woman, i want to be free. in thinking of freedom, i think of another inspiration of mine: toni morrison. a quote of hers continuously swirls in my head like a fever dream:
“…freedom is only sweet when it is won. when it is forced, it is called responsibility.”
toni morrison. source.
i believe women have a responsibility to live their own lives. i know this doesn’t sound like fun, but there really is an ocean of pleasure to be found in taking responsibility for one’s habits, interests, and contributions. in making our own luck in this world as women.
imagine this, due to the technology of time travel, you had a chance encounter with sandro botticelli. you two strike up a conversation and he mentions he’s about to begin painting a piece and asks you to be his model. it’s the early renaissance, he’s a well-known painter, so how could you say no? back at his studio, he asks you how you want to appear in the paining, what motifs should he add, and how should he position you respective to the scale of the canvas.
in answering these questions, you reveal yourself to the artist and when he’s done you’re amazed it looks exactly like the birth of venus. no matter how many times you travel back; no matter how different your answers are each time, he always paints you the same: as venus emerging from the sea. why? because that is the origin story of the goddess of beauty and prosperity, and is that not you?
do we, as women, not make our own luck in this world? do we, as women, not have the ability to truly become all that which we imagine for ourselves?
in knowing what we want, we can create the chain events that lead to us receiving our wishes when we take successive steps forward. this is the law of action.
ultimately, i know what i want. the question is, do you?
sweet dreams,
a diouana woman