the mission is to be a privileged woman
beautiful and intelligent women get everything. why not you?
having been born is privilege enough
there are many ways to be privileged in this life. for some, it’s having been born tall. if this is you, congratulations, you’re likely to earn $166,000 more than your peers over the course of your lifetime.1 for others, it’s having been born beautiful. if this is you, congratulations, you’re more likely to get hired. but if you’re a woman, you won’t be up for manager anytime soon.2 for me, it’s having been born to parents who love me. especially a mother whose daily mantra to me always was, “you can do anything. just work for it.”
there’s an essay to be written about eldest daughters and our vulnerability to burnout. especially when raised by capricorn mothers. until that essay is complete, read a diouana woman’s manifesto as a teaser.
this essay, however, will deal with what’s often forgotten when one speaks about privilege: it’s the small steps that make the ladder.
history has painted our society as a meritocracy. in some ways it is. in others, it couldn’t be further from that. nepotism is the word. but in a diouana woman’s world, nepo babies are non-factors.3 only ambition and audacity factor into a diouana woman’s schemes. as such, we, few but proud, diouana women use our ambition and audacity to create the steps that build our ladder.
taking things one step at a time might be hard for those of us inclined to go full-throttle. if this is you, my only advice is ride the bull. don’t let it ride you.
for those of us more liable to taking our time, this essay is dedicated to you. after all, time is made of honey. slow and sweet. so take your time and build your ladder right.
all good things take time. this is an adage we’ve all heard. what does this mean when applied to our lives as beautiful, intelligent, young women? two things. summarized in two quotes.
the first comes from the ever iconic bianca jagger, the first wife of mick. some of us will know him as the lead singer of the rolling stones:
“‘how did i meet mick?’
you know, i always find that an offensive question. when you’re intelligent and pretty, you can meet anyone you want.’”
the second is from season three of game of thrones. like the television perfection that is the wire, i love game of thrones for it’s near perfect (true fans refuse to acknowledge the last season) capture of human agency set in an inhumane world. one where summers span decades, and winters last a lifetime:
varys: “but what do we have left once we abandon the lie? chaos. a gaping pit waiting to swallow us all.”
littlefinger: “chaos isn’t a pit. it’s a ladder.”
your heels were made for walking, so climb
we live in increasingly chaotic times. increasingly scary times. and as it becomes clearer everyday, increasingly unserious times. to the last point, there are few people on this earth who truly take themselves seriously. what does this mean? many things. for the purposes of this essay, let’s focus on personal responsibility and a whimsical determination that manifests as faith in one’s own abilities. aka an internal locus of control.
the ladder of our personal lives defer to that of our professional lives. as such, the strategies a young woman would take to build one would not translate perfectly into building the other. thus, both necessitate a nuanced approach. specifically, when it comes to creating the life you want for yourself, you have to start small in order to swing big.
this is because it’s the small steps that build our ladder. let’s say you desire to be a socialite in a major metropolitan city, like washington dc. this may be a bad example, as according to a reader in the comment section of the financial times, there are no socialites in dc4, but walk with me. you desire to be a socialite in a major metropolitan city, what is your first five steps?
if you do not have gainful employment, one where you can actually afford to pay rent in the city, than that’s what you have to solve for first. but let’s say your hierarchy of needs are met, so now we’re at the tippy top of your motivational pyramid and scheming how we can turn you into the next genevieve jones. what is your first step?
firstly, you have to secure at least three different wardrobe pieces that you can mix and match twelve different ways to make show-stopping outfits. this is so you can begin to build a personal brand of always being well-dressed and polished. but even this isn’t your first step. your first step is saving money for these sartorial acquisitions. and the first step to that is examining your budget.
what i am attempting to illustrate with this drawn out example is that even if we break our goals into small steps, we can break those small steps into even smaller steps. this makes the process to changing some aspect of our life in a meaningfully tangible way that less daunting. and if we’re not daunted by our to-do list, then we’re more likely to actually accomplish what we need to do.
creating a ladder in a chaotic world is a question of privilege and skill stacking. just like littlefinger pointed out to varys that being fearful of a rapidly changing world is pointless because that fear stops you from doing the thing that could actually alleviate your fears, that is focusing on finding solutions no one else is thinking about because they’re too scared to think; you must focus solely on winning in any economic, political, or social environment you find yourself in. in other ways, you must make yourself immune to a chaotic world by inoculating yourself with privileges and skills that you’ve developed through your own efforts. this is what it means to make your own luck.
it might be a tall order, but you’re a diouana woman. you’re in the business of getting what you want. if you feel you’re too short to make the cut, buy yourself peep toe platform six inch heels, break them in, and call it a day.
count your blessings as you stack them
privilege stacking is a result of some type of personal development. be it slimming down into the best shape of your life. continuing your education. or expanding your network. the better you aim to be in this life, the more privileged you’ll be. thus, privilege, if forged through our own efforts, is a positive, and indeed, worthwhile pursuit. for those of us born with certain privileges, all we can do is count our blessings.
skill stacking is related to privilege stacking as skills are the technical applications of our privilege. for example, if i desired to present myself as an even more beautiful woman than i already am, my first step would be to perfect my esthetician skills by researching how to do a hairstyle that would grace my facial features better, improve my makeup technique by studying beauty tutorials, and seeking inspiration to perfect my wardrobe. beauty is a skill that once honed gives one pretty privilege.
and although the skill of “perfected a classic 1930s old hollywood look” cannot be placed on a professional resume, the tangible result of being polished with an instantly recognizable “look” does wonders for one’s networking capabilities. which can help your resume by increasing the opportunities that come your way. just like bianca said, if you’re intelligent and pretty, you can meet anyone you want.
so, the “superficial” can go a long way. just start small. pick up a curling iron and perfect that veronica lake cascade look. or check out a library book on the philosophy of film noir. anything that makes you an interesting conversationalist. you’ll need it for those galas!
sweet dreams,
a diouana woman
p.s. truth or dare
i am beginning a new section in my nightly posts titled truth or dare. it’s a simple curated list of ideas and items i’ve engaged with today that i loved and am sharing with you. the truths were 10/10, so i must recommend. and the dares were not so great, so it’s me saying don’t do it. but only if you dare. get it? great. let’s begin:
truth: these aquamarine louboutin platform peep toe stilettos. if only they were in my size! c'est dommage!5
dare: not taking that first step. you never know what will happen.
m. dittmann. july / august 2004. “standing tall pays off, study finds.” american psychological association.
madeline j. chance. december 2023. “pretty privilege at work: the influence of physical attractiveness on hiring decisions, mediated by perceived efficacy.” middle tennessee State university.
there’s an entire essay to be written on the impact black female reality tv stars have had on american popular culture, as it relates to their impact on our linguistics and the signified concepts that result from changing definitions and relevant associations (and the ways these are further disconnected for humor’s sake). let me know if you’d like an essay on this!
i’m being funny here by being meta in reference to this comment. basically, the article in question was about a new private members’ club that was set to open in the city. a reader commented on the article saying something along the lines of, “this seems like a socialite’s place. are there socialites in dc?” this commentor (my read) was being fictitious, if not rude, as they were alluding to the fact that dc is a “serious” city (due to it being the capital of the united states, thus a hotspot for political activity) and therefore “unserious” people, such as socialites (though this reading feels a bit misogynistic, but i digress) would not be found in such a city. thereby making the idea of a private members’ club marketed towards socialite types a moot point. now, you’re in on the joke!